How Painful Is My Life

Back to blog, after few months lazy to update it, I often post my thoughts to Twitter instead 🙂

People may don’t understand why I often post melancholic things in my blog or Twitter. Well, as most of my friends know that I never really care about how people think about me, I tried to live my own life to the happiest moment I could achieve, and make everyone I love and who loves me happy. People are just too ignorant. So why would I care so much about them when they are never really care of me.

I tried not to push my ego to others. I tried not to explain the details of what makes me feel hurt. I don’t want others to care of me because they are pity of me. I tried to hide most of painful things on my own. It’s kind of pride thing for me, though it increases the pain inside. But I get used to it. I never cry when I face disappointments anymore. My tears won’t fall, but my anger burns instead.

People said that I’m just too young to experience such pain. They just don’t know my life. They will never know. They will never understand. I don’t mind. But experiencing this feeling for quite long really closed my heart to my own life. I don’t care how something can even hurt me more, I just make myself ever more hurt.

I believe we will die on our own. We will meet and account our deeds to God on our own. I don’t mind if no one care of my feeling, though I want to scream my anger to their ignorance, but I just hold on myself. I have no right and they have no obligation to do that.

Love, care, feeling for others, whether for spouse, best friends, even family members, are investments. If you invest it on right place, right amount, and lucky enough, you might get a valuable return. But if you are unfortunate enough, you might get nothing in return. Some investments are guaranteed, but some are not. It is a risk that you should be aware of.

So, how painful is my life? Please don’t ask. You may guess it, but please know that it might be more painful than you ever feel. Please be grateful for your life, as I also feel so much grateful for my life though many pain I experienced, because I believe there are more people who are more unfortunate than me. At least I have my God, and some people who truly care. It is enough.

I disagree if some said that life is sucks. Life does not sucks. It is painful though.

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